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vacuuming? No -- I feel like I am helping the man I adore, I am contributing to HIS success in taking care of me! It is not a burden on me, it is a way I can contribute to our lives. I happily and willing do this because it is to our benefit, not because it "has to be done and somebody's got to do it and damn it I guess that's me... grrrr."

Mike accurately describes the process of ... um... awakening me to reality as "taming a feral female." I (now) concur. I was a hostile bitchy feminist who resented men for not taking up the burden of cleaning their own houses (why did they get to just "help out," as if they had no responsibility for the house -- and then have to be shown how to sweep or where to find the dustrag!?) I managed to buy, care for, repair, and renovate my own house -- why shouldn't a man be AS responsible for "our" house?! Hence, my wariness at Mike's coaxing, my resistance at surrendering to him, my hostile defensiveness at perceived slights or assumptions... (It really was like taming a wild animal!!)

Thank The Force for Mike's patience and willingness to slowly and gently allow me to let down my guard and come to trust him. No longer the brittle, defensive, resentful, angry, and hostile feminist, now I am calm and happy; entirely willing to follow Mike' suggestions, directions, corrections, and desires... (I trust him to do the right thing for me -- even when it's not necessarily the thing I want...)

Our relationship guru, Pat Allen, describes a completely satisfactory relationship style she calls "convenient" -- as Mike wrote earlier, where each partner wants to be (and often is) both respected and cherished.

Pat Allen suggests both partners use her complementary communication style to avoid clashes. So; as compared to our covenant relationship, where I may freely and always speak of my feelings but must get his permission to cross the boundary and speak as a Yang partner -- so he is not ambushed by it nor is his competitiveness aroused (and the reverse for him); in a convenient relationship, either partner may speak at any time from either masculine or feminine energy.

However Pat Allen cautions; the roles, the boundaries in communication style, should still be observed. So, either partner may say: "I have a thought / opinion / want / suggestion." ("I want" and "I think" are Yang/masculine-energy words.) But to avoid a competitive reaction, the initiating person then asks "How do you feel about that?" (That is, each partner takes the complementary position in discussions.) If the initiator says: "I want pizza. What do you want?" (want and want; Yang to Yang) the other person might very well say: "Well *I* want Chinese!" and the battle is on.

However, in Pat's way, the initiator says: "I want pizza. How do you feel about that? Then the other person is not going respond also out of his or her Yang/masculine energy, but instead will respond out of yin/feminine energy. "Oh, I feel like Chinese, how shall we decide?"